Monthly Musings: August

1. There are a zillion and one things competing for my loyalty.

First, a bit of history.

Nearly two years ago, we began this journey to Dallas. Of course, we didn’t know the destination at that time. Tyler and I had a very significant conversation regarding my pursuit of piano lessons with an esteemed teacher. We both knew the first question she would ask was, “Why?” I’d graduated, received two degrees. Six months later, I was begging for more. Why? Stepping out in faith, we began to explore the possibility of graduate school.

One of the biggest hurdles for me in that preliminary decision-making process was my previous experience. To say my years at UCF were busy would be an understatement. I wasn’t just a devoted student, dedicated practicer, or over achiever. I was a slave. I worshipped achievement and performance until I was shackled and disoriented.

When I began my student teaching, I hit a wall. Suddenly, much of my identity was snatched away from me. I did not have time to practice. I was not in charge of my schedule. In many ways, I was lost. How grateful I now am for that experience, because through it I was able to see myself as a person and not only a pianist.

Why was I hesitant about submerging even a pinky toe into the tumultuous waters of grad school? I feared myself. More than failure, rejection, or opinion of others. I knew I could not trust myself. This is one of those times I am ever grateful for my husband. The LORD knew he was just what I needed. Throughout that entire process, he was my gracious and honest accountability partner. As the one closest to me, I knew he would be the first to notice any downward spirals or unhealthy patterns. Believe me, they existed. They still exist. By God’s grace, I am moving forward in this area of my life. Many days it’s an uphill climb.

So here we are. In Dallas. I’m one week into school. This has been on my mind constantly over the last few months. I think the LORD wants me to notice two things: He deserves my loyalty, and He wants me to press into Him.

The temptations to give my allegiance to other gods are great. But He is Greater. Just because this is difficult doesn’t mean I’m not supposed to be here. In fact, I have come to see it is a big reason why I am here. Continuing to walk by faith studying under the Very Best Teacher.

2. Humility is attractive.

As I entered school, a newbie and outsider, I had a choice to make. I will continue to make that choice every day. I realize how frighteningly easy it would be to tout my accomplishments, teachers, and experience - unintentionally, even! I have been consciously trying to shut up! Not just because I am a little fish in a big pond, but because nobody enjoys being with someone who constantly has something to prove. I don’t have anything to hide, but I also don’t need to advertise myself. I am not a product; I am a person. I know I would much rather interact with other people.

3. I am a complainer

Pastor Winburne’s words still burn in my mind: “Unbelief always starts with an ungrateful heart.” (Sermon link: here) When it comes to big things, I get it. I am still amazed that we are here, that I am attending my dream school, and that we have not been in want. It’s easy to remember to be thankful for the big things. The small things, however? That’s where I find myself sighing and getting all worked up about trivial matters. Tyler is particularly sensitive to this, so that is another reason I want to be more aware of my instinctive reactions to the everyday disappointments, schedule upsets, and unwanted surprises.

4. Rest restores my humanity.


Last Sunday, Pastor Winburne’s sermon was all about experiencing Sabbath rest. That sermon deserves a post all to itself, but I do want to highlight one caveat. According to the Book of Genesis, God rested on the seventh day of creation. (That’s probably not news to most of you.) As image-bearers of the Most High, we were intended to experience soul-satisfying rest, too. When we ceaselessly work, we clutter our hearts and minds, leaving no time or space to be responsive to the work He is doing in our lives, families, and communities. Sabbath-keeping is His kindness to us, because it preserves and restores our humanity. It defines us not by what we do but by who we are: image-reflectors, adopted children, and members of a global family. Ironically, this rest is hard work! It is meant to be done in community, with the encouragement of our brothers and sisters. I must make every effort to safeguard it and place my faith in the completed work of Christ. This will enable me to truly love, instead of viewing others as means to manipulate. It is finished. My striving can cease for a day. There is sweet, satisfying rest for those who seek it.

Blogging buddy!

Profile of a Pedagogue

One week down. Sixty-three more to go. Operation: graduate school is nearly in full swing, with the final component of my schedule beginning after Labor Day.

In addition to the expected hours in the classroom and in the practice rooms - comprising my role as student - a great deal of time is spent on my appointment as teacher. After all, the degree I am seeking is a Master of Music in Piano Performance and Pedagogy.

I couldn't help but chuckle and nod in approval at one of my classmate's gut-reactions to a professor's inquiry of, "How do you respond when people ask about your line of work?"

Wittingly, she replied, "Very carefully."

I am often asked, "What in the world is pedagogy?"

My degree is a mouthful. I understand that. Simply put, pedagogy is the art and science of teaching. Dr. Sam Holland (my program director), added the caveat of practical skills to the end of that definition. Teachers must have information worthy of transfer, but they also must be able to creatively implement these skills in a practical way.

One of my responsibilities as a Teaching Fellow (similar to a GTA) involves teaching a section of undergraduate class piano to non-music majors. My class meets twice weekly in the keyboard lab. I am fully responsible for planning every lesson, sequencing materials, and preparing my students for the exams. Thankfully, I  also receive guidance and observation feedback. It's truly the best of both worlds: I have my own classroom space to experiment and explore, but I am under the tutelage of an experienced faculty member.

As I was preparing lessons for the first day of class, I found an activity that piqued my interest. In addition to the usual student/teacher introductions, I planned an activity that would provide valuable information for me in a way that was safe for the students. I implemented it on day one, and I think the results were positive.

When the students entered the room, I gave them two sticky notes with simple instructions: on one note, write a characteristic of your favorite class, and on the other a characteristic of your least favorite class. The results were intriguing.

Among the favorite responses were: laid back, enthusiastic professor, available professor, knowledgable professor, challenging, creative in approach, interesting

Among the least favorite were: condescending, monotonous, arrogant, loud, boring, dismissed late, overly challenging

This was truly insightful for me, because it gave me a window into what motivates and what aggravates them.

The very next day, in my Piano Pedagogy I class, we were given an assignment to come up with adjectives describing best and worst teachers. It seems it's a rather important question.

What makes a good teacher?

At the top of my own list is patient, honest, humble, experienced, motivational, involved, creative, realistic

On the opposite column, I typed apathetic, demeaning, ambiguous, detached, arrogant, unapproachable, under-qualified

I love all of my teachers this semester. Why is that? What is it about them that sparks or holds my interest in a subject? You might argue that I love school, because I am studying only things I enjoy. While that is partly true, a good teacher can still make or break a subject. I love to write, but that doesn't mean I am automatically thrilled about a research project. But when the teacher starts with the building blocks - asking questions and the questions beneath those - now that is exciting!

I don't have a thesis for you (the profile of a pedagogue is...), but I'm thinking a lot about the teacher I want to be - and don't want to be! I am delving into understanding how students and adults learn. I am analyzing what it is about my own teachers that motivates me to pursue higher learning. I am as devoted as ever to my craft of musicianship at the keyboard. I am soaking up every moment.

Tyler Tuesday..Err, Thursday: Something's Missing

I went to the gym and started my work out, and it was very quiet.

I tried to check the time and had to find a working clock.

I drove to work, and it was quiet.

I ran into traffic and didn’t know if I would be late.

I arrived at work and checked my pocket to find it missing.

Like a ghost, it was expected, but it was missing.

I started work and checked my tool box…missing. 

I wanted to tell Jessie something and couldn’t.

I wanted to check for updated pictures and couldn’t.

I wanted to check my email and couldn’t.

Still missing.

Check the time? No.

Check the inbox? No.

Check the time…

Missing.

No matter how many times I told myself it was missing, I kept looking for it.

My phone has become unusable due to a faulty battery. Until now, I never realized how much I have grown attached to it. I have a battery on order, and I thought that a day or two without a phone wouldn’t be that hard. But it really is. Phones have become such a part of our lives that it’s embarrassing. I normally keep my phone in the top drawer of my tool box, and no matter how many times I wanted to remember that it wasn’t there…I kept opening the drawer in search of it. For eight hours! I have read an article about studies involving cell phones and how people think they feel them in their pockets when they’re not there. People feel them vibrate when there’s no notification. It is the same psychological issue related to phantom pains felt by amputees. Phones have become a part of us! Its crazy. I am determined to observe myself and note the daily differences caused by the absence of a phone. I think this is a great point to note, and I feel as though experiencing life without a phone is more significant than we realize. Life is really different.

I have worked it out so Jessie can call or text a coworker of mine if there is an emergency, and I have written down several phone numbers in case I have to dial one. So don’t worry about me too much. 

Hope this blog is interesting to you, and sorry for being late. I will work on having something ahead of time next week. Thanks for reading

Currently listening to: Iron and wine, Fleet Foxes, and Bon Iver……so chill

Currently working on: 2015 Volvo VNL, fault tracing electrical short to the after treatment five volt reference. New trucks have new problems. Found a connector full of water.

Currently thinking about: What to do on a three-day weekend without spending too much money.