Defining Moments

I am fortunate to have many memorable experiences from my musical career thus far (which has been short - ha!). Few, however, have reached what I call a "defining moment." My trip to Europe is up there in defining who I am becoming as a musician.

After two separate recitals, I remember walking offstage exuberant, energized - euphoric, almost. I'd say my senior year I found my true love of performing. It's addictive.

When it came time for my senior internship, I was hesitant. Everything was in flux. I'd completed my piano courses, I'd married and moved, I was searching for a new piano teacher. How in the world was I to continue pursuing my love of piano performance while in the midst of full-time teaching?

That question led me down a tough road, in which I fought and complained and bemoaned my circumstances (which, by the way, were best-case scenario). By the middle of September, I had found a teacher and set lofty goals for the upcoming months. These would be completed alongside full-time teaching, private teaching, housework, and cooking. Failure was not an option. It usually never is with me. Oh, and I signed up for a half marathon and began training.

Needless to say, I was exhausted and frustrated. I found that there truly were not enough hours in the day to do everything. And when I tried, things were done poorly and half-heartedly.
Through that I learned to let go of my rigid expectations and appreciate what I was given. These past five months of piano study have been so different from my typical hyper-tension semesters, but they have been rich with learning and challenges. I am thankful. But I digress.

By October, something had begun to stir in my heart.

While I was missing my long hours of practice, I began to love my internship. No longer was it a burden (although it was tiring!), but it began to be a blessing. Things took a different shape, but I found ways to pursue excellence and still accomplish great things in the everyday classroom. I even got to perform with my chorus kids, as I accompanied one of their pieces for the winter concert.

I can say my internship was most definitely a defining moment in my musical career.

Today I visited my school, after two months of absence. Visiting procedures had changed, presumably since the Connecticut tragedy. There is a new music intern at the school. It was strange seeing someone else working with "my" kids, but at the same time I wasn't envious. I am accompanying the chorus kids again this spring, so I picked up piano music, enjoyed lunch with the team, and headed out.

I was blown away by the hellos, hugs, waves, and illuminated faces that greeted me, both by faculty and students.
Although it hasn't been that long since my departure, I really didn't think they'd all remember my name.

Now is a time of change again. I'm definitely in flux. (Maybe life is just different seasons of change?) I've graduated, and I'm looking forward to possible future plans. But it all feels so distant, and I'm trying to work hard and simultaneously hold my hopes loosely.

For the first time in my life, I'm not hounding God to make His plans fit mine. It's strange and new for me. I want to use my time wisely and be exactly where I'm supposed to be. For now, I guess that's in the waiting room. I want to search for the defining moments that lurk in unexpected places.

Accompanying in rehearsal

Conducting at the winter concert