Mom, IRL

Maybe you've seen funny pictures on the internet of laundry fiascos, wardrobe malfunctions, or messy kids with the hashtag "moms IRL" or something similar. Those moms may be the real deal, but nothing is better than a visit from your mom in real life!

That's right! Mommy came to Dallas for a spontaneous mid-semester visit, and it couldn't have been better! Last time my family visited was Thanksgiving, which was wonderful in its own way. I gave everyone the official school tour then, but campus was a graveyard over the holiday weekend. Since Mom flew in on a Wednesday morning, she tagged along with me at school and took part in my everyday life! It was a blast introducing her to my professors and classmates, and she even got to see me perform in Caruth (our main concert hall) and rehearse with my trio!

Highlights of our time:

1. Performing/playing for Mom at school!
2. Eating out at our favorite restaurants!
3. Flash card mid-term review with Mom (she makes up the best goofy connections to remember mundane facts!)
4. Parish Feast! Our church's quarterly Friday night dinner just happened to be over Mom's visit, so she spent some extended time with our church family.
5. Meals with the profs! We had breakfast together with two of my main and most influential professors. (Of course we forgot to take a picture!) We also had breakfast with another one of my favorite professors, who heard Mom was in town and invited us out. SMU profs have class, and they genuinely care about their students. So blessed!
6. Watching all our favorite murder shows together on a lazy Saturday!
7. More trips to Sprouts than I'd care to admit!
8. Coming home to find my laundry done, my house cleaned, and ice cream in the freezer. Mom are just the best.

Performance class!

Rehearsing Café Music

Curry and Pad Thai from The Mint!

Taco night!

Pizza night at Fireside Pies -- our new favorite GF pizza place!

Selfies with the Weim

Flash cards

More flash cards 

"This my grandma. I keep her."

Mom sent me this picture while I was at school.
She stayed home to relax and read one day, and Brooklyn kept her company.

Breakfast with Professor M and MA!

Parish Feast! 

I love you, Mommy! Thank you setting aside your own daily activities to enter into mine for a few days! I love that you got to be part of our life here with church, school, the crazy Weimaraner, and many grocery store runs. Come back again soon! Xoxo!

Surviving Grad School

Ever considered graduate school? Wondering if it's for you? Is it possible to juggle school and work?

Disclaimer: If you couldn't care less, this will likely be a very boring read.

The purpose of this post is to share my reality as a graduate student. I realize my experiences are highly specific to my field of study, but I imagine the commitment and workload are not unique.

Disclaimer No. 2: Don't go to grad school unless you love your field.

I am a full-time student and teaching fellow, enrolled in 9 credit hours and an additional zero-credit course. (That's music, for you. During undergrad, I remember complaining that my credits didn't reflect my workload. Now I'm grateful for a class without additional cost.) Nine credits. Can't be too bad, right? My dual bachelor's degrees required me to enroll in 17-18 hours most semesters.

In all honesty, the academic side of graduate school is the least of my worries. I don't say that boastfully, as if it's "too easy" or non challenging. That is not the case in any way. I have been very impressed by the level of academics and the higher-level thinking my professors require. Many days I'm grateful for the opportunity to push myself to excel in non-piano skills.

While my hours are not sapped away by memorizing charts, formulas, and impossible-to-spell words, my time at the piano is extensive and non-negotiable. Every week, I spend 30 hours of independent practice at the keys. This does not include rehearsals with other musicians and coachings with professors. With lessons, rehearsals, and coachings, this number averages around thirty-five hours.

As a graduate teaching fellow, I have several responsibilities at the university. First, I teach an undergraduate section of class piano. My class meets for one hour, twice a week. I am responsible for all planning, teaching, corresponding, and grading. I have weekly meetings with a supervisor, and I am accountable to him. Secondly, I teach in the piano preparatory department, which is basically a grades 1-12 music school inside the university. I have six students, whose lessons range from 45 minutes to 1 hour. They each receive one lesson a week. I am responsible for planning their lessons and preparing them for competitions/performances/recitals. Another supervisor meets with me weekly to discuss my students' progress. I observe/teach a weekly group class for 1st and 2nd graders. Last semester, I primarily observed. This semester, I have begun some group teaching, and next semester I will team-teach a class with a fellow classmate. Add in two more hours of weekly professor observations (private and group class), and I think you'll get an idea. On paper, these responsibilities add up to an additional eleven hours each week. With planning and grading figured in, it's closer to fourteen hours.

My final teaching responsibility is one outside the university. (After all, a girl's gotta make a little bit of money! "Graduate Teaching Fellow" may sound like a fancy title, but the paycheck sure doesn't reflect that! ;) I work three hours a week at an off-campus music school. Twice a semester, I have additional weekend responsibilities for performances and recitals at the school.

Add in eight hours of classroom time not yet accounted for, and you'll get a realistic picture of an average week in the life of this grad student. If you're a numbers person, you might have kept a tally. (If you're not, 35+14+3+8 = 60.)

The rest of my time is spent outdoors with Brooklyn, eating Tyler's famous tacos, and fellowshipping with friends from church. Oh, and doing homework, of course. I haven't factored that in yet! After all, those academic course requirements have to be met sometime! (See why I said it's the least of my worries? :)

Why am I writing this? To make you sympathize? To convince you I'm a crazy person (you already knew that.) To remember how much work this is so I'm not tempted to pursue further education (maybe - it's a good strategy)?

No, I'm writing this because I want to remember how I can't do it on my own. I know with certainty that my Heavenly Father has placed me here, for such a time as this. I am convinced that I could not do any of it without Tyler's practical and emotion support. I remember wondering if I could handle marriage and grad school. To be honest, I'm not sure I could handle grad school without the bedrock o marriage. I also felt nervous about beginning school with a puppy. This puppy has been one of the most wonderful things about my grad school adventure. She is always ready and willing to hit the road with me. She'll cover as many miles as I want, as fast as I want. She'll also curl up next to me while I practice or study. She is good company.

The daily phone calls and texts home are always received with grace and responded to with wisdom. We are supported by a church who offers to bring us food when we're sick or our laundry when we're overwhelmed. We live a blessed and undeserved life.

Yes, grad school is hard. I am incredibly busy and tired all the time. But I couldn't be happier. I am beyond privileged to spend every day doing what I love. I certainly can't do it alone, but I wouldn't trade any of it.

Jessie's Grad School Survival Tips:

1. Have the best family ever
2. Have the best church family ever
3. Take a weekly sabbath
4. Enjoy a hobby outside of school

(Pre-req: Love your field!)

Scooby-Doo and Starchy Vegetables

I guess you could say our new life is truly in full swing.

In addition to my class load, I teach four days a week, well into the evenings. Most of my teaching responsibilities are directly related to my position as teaching fellow at SMU. On Monday and Tuesday, I wasn't free to eat (much less cook) dinner until after 8PM. Wednesdays are becoming typified by continuous hallway snacking, since I don't have a moment between 11-2:30 to even think about a meal. I shamelssly pulled a boiled egg out of my backpack today only minutes prior to a meeting and mumbled a half-hearted apology to my nearby classmates. The second-year grad students in my program just smiled an nodded. They get it.

So far the homework load hasn't been too heavy, but I still have about two hours of paperwork, reading, and lesson-planning after dinner. Partially in an effort to stay awake, I have started "watching" multiple Scooby-Doo episodes while I pour over method books, type lesson plans, and send emails late into the evening. In the mornings, I've even been delaying my practice time to 6AM, just to allow myself time to breakfast, sip coffee, and uncover a twenty-minute mystery. (Tyler is getting quite hooked. I practically had to shove him out the door at 5:40AM this morning.) Taking that extra time to "tune out" and relax seems to have helped me focus when it really counts. I am thankful that I've been able to safe-guard my practice goals, even amidst the busyness. I'm aiming for consistency over extremity.

Today I attended a Bible study with a few ladies from church. I am really hoping to keep this a weekly priority as the semester heats up. Due to my class schedule, I can't stay the entire time; I know even an hour of intentional time in the Word with these women will be worth it. Already I felt so blessed by their company, hospitality, and genuine interest in my life. (Amen to GF muffins, a third cup of coffee, and fifty minutes to quiet my heart.)

Today I arrived home just after 7PM - with a ravenous appetite, naturally. I discovered Tyler in the kitchen, standing over a steaming pot, stirring like a madman. When I asked what he was cooking he replied, "Mashed potatoes. I didn't know what other vegetables to cook." He quickly added, "I was hoping you could make a salad?"

Now I know his mama taught him about all things green, but who I am to complain when he went to Walmart and then cooked dinner?

Nothing says, "I love you!" more than that.

How grateful I am for the support I'm receiving from home, at school, within our church community, and across the southern belt of the United States.

And for grilled chicken in the fridge and a pillow calling my name.

Sweet dreams.

Monthly Musings: August

1. There are a zillion and one things competing for my loyalty.

First, a bit of history.

Nearly two years ago, we began this journey to Dallas. Of course, we didn’t know the destination at that time. Tyler and I had a very significant conversation regarding my pursuit of piano lessons with an esteemed teacher. We both knew the first question she would ask was, “Why?” I’d graduated, received two degrees. Six months later, I was begging for more. Why? Stepping out in faith, we began to explore the possibility of graduate school.

One of the biggest hurdles for me in that preliminary decision-making process was my previous experience. To say my years at UCF were busy would be an understatement. I wasn’t just a devoted student, dedicated practicer, or over achiever. I was a slave. I worshipped achievement and performance until I was shackled and disoriented.

When I began my student teaching, I hit a wall. Suddenly, much of my identity was snatched away from me. I did not have time to practice. I was not in charge of my schedule. In many ways, I was lost. How grateful I now am for that experience, because through it I was able to see myself as a person and not only a pianist.

Why was I hesitant about submerging even a pinky toe into the tumultuous waters of grad school? I feared myself. More than failure, rejection, or opinion of others. I knew I could not trust myself. This is one of those times I am ever grateful for my husband. The LORD knew he was just what I needed. Throughout that entire process, he was my gracious and honest accountability partner. As the one closest to me, I knew he would be the first to notice any downward spirals or unhealthy patterns. Believe me, they existed. They still exist. By God’s grace, I am moving forward in this area of my life. Many days it’s an uphill climb.

So here we are. In Dallas. I’m one week into school. This has been on my mind constantly over the last few months. I think the LORD wants me to notice two things: He deserves my loyalty, and He wants me to press into Him.

The temptations to give my allegiance to other gods are great. But He is Greater. Just because this is difficult doesn’t mean I’m not supposed to be here. In fact, I have come to see it is a big reason why I am here. Continuing to walk by faith studying under the Very Best Teacher.

2. Humility is attractive.

As I entered school, a newbie and outsider, I had a choice to make. I will continue to make that choice every day. I realize how frighteningly easy it would be to tout my accomplishments, teachers, and experience - unintentionally, even! I have been consciously trying to shut up! Not just because I am a little fish in a big pond, but because nobody enjoys being with someone who constantly has something to prove. I don’t have anything to hide, but I also don’t need to advertise myself. I am not a product; I am a person. I know I would much rather interact with other people.

3. I am a complainer

Pastor Winburne’s words still burn in my mind: “Unbelief always starts with an ungrateful heart.” (Sermon link: here) When it comes to big things, I get it. I am still amazed that we are here, that I am attending my dream school, and that we have not been in want. It’s easy to remember to be thankful for the big things. The small things, however? That’s where I find myself sighing and getting all worked up about trivial matters. Tyler is particularly sensitive to this, so that is another reason I want to be more aware of my instinctive reactions to the everyday disappointments, schedule upsets, and unwanted surprises.

4. Rest restores my humanity.


Last Sunday, Pastor Winburne’s sermon was all about experiencing Sabbath rest. That sermon deserves a post all to itself, but I do want to highlight one caveat. According to the Book of Genesis, God rested on the seventh day of creation. (That’s probably not news to most of you.) As image-bearers of the Most High, we were intended to experience soul-satisfying rest, too. When we ceaselessly work, we clutter our hearts and minds, leaving no time or space to be responsive to the work He is doing in our lives, families, and communities. Sabbath-keeping is His kindness to us, because it preserves and restores our humanity. It defines us not by what we do but by who we are: image-reflectors, adopted children, and members of a global family. Ironically, this rest is hard work! It is meant to be done in community, with the encouragement of our brothers and sisters. I must make every effort to safeguard it and place my faith in the completed work of Christ. This will enable me to truly love, instead of viewing others as means to manipulate. It is finished. My striving can cease for a day. There is sweet, satisfying rest for those who seek it.

Blogging buddy!

Profile of a Pedagogue

One week down. Sixty-three more to go. Operation: graduate school is nearly in full swing, with the final component of my schedule beginning after Labor Day.

In addition to the expected hours in the classroom and in the practice rooms - comprising my role as student - a great deal of time is spent on my appointment as teacher. After all, the degree I am seeking is a Master of Music in Piano Performance and Pedagogy.

I couldn't help but chuckle and nod in approval at one of my classmate's gut-reactions to a professor's inquiry of, "How do you respond when people ask about your line of work?"

Wittingly, she replied, "Very carefully."

I am often asked, "What in the world is pedagogy?"

My degree is a mouthful. I understand that. Simply put, pedagogy is the art and science of teaching. Dr. Sam Holland (my program director), added the caveat of practical skills to the end of that definition. Teachers must have information worthy of transfer, but they also must be able to creatively implement these skills in a practical way.

One of my responsibilities as a Teaching Fellow (similar to a GTA) involves teaching a section of undergraduate class piano to non-music majors. My class meets twice weekly in the keyboard lab. I am fully responsible for planning every lesson, sequencing materials, and preparing my students for the exams. Thankfully, I  also receive guidance and observation feedback. It's truly the best of both worlds: I have my own classroom space to experiment and explore, but I am under the tutelage of an experienced faculty member.

As I was preparing lessons for the first day of class, I found an activity that piqued my interest. In addition to the usual student/teacher introductions, I planned an activity that would provide valuable information for me in a way that was safe for the students. I implemented it on day one, and I think the results were positive.

When the students entered the room, I gave them two sticky notes with simple instructions: on one note, write a characteristic of your favorite class, and on the other a characteristic of your least favorite class. The results were intriguing.

Among the favorite responses were: laid back, enthusiastic professor, available professor, knowledgable professor, challenging, creative in approach, interesting

Among the least favorite were: condescending, monotonous, arrogant, loud, boring, dismissed late, overly challenging

This was truly insightful for me, because it gave me a window into what motivates and what aggravates them.

The very next day, in my Piano Pedagogy I class, we were given an assignment to come up with adjectives describing best and worst teachers. It seems it's a rather important question.

What makes a good teacher?

At the top of my own list is patient, honest, humble, experienced, motivational, involved, creative, realistic

On the opposite column, I typed apathetic, demeaning, ambiguous, detached, arrogant, unapproachable, under-qualified

I love all of my teachers this semester. Why is that? What is it about them that sparks or holds my interest in a subject? You might argue that I love school, because I am studying only things I enjoy. While that is partly true, a good teacher can still make or break a subject. I love to write, but that doesn't mean I am automatically thrilled about a research project. But when the teacher starts with the building blocks - asking questions and the questions beneath those - now that is exciting!

I don't have a thesis for you (the profile of a pedagogue is...), but I'm thinking a lot about the teacher I want to be - and don't want to be! I am delving into understanding how students and adults learn. I am analyzing what it is about my own teachers that motivates me to pursue higher learning. I am as devoted as ever to my craft of musicianship at the keyboard. I am soaking up every moment.

Test-Taker Turns Triathlete

It's exam week.

That's right. All those Instragram photos of Brooklyn and me at cafés, pouring over textbooks, were all leading up to this week.

etc., etc.

As you may have surmised, reading is my go-to stress-reliever. I'm currently reading The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (if you've seen the movie, please don't spoil the ending for me!), which is not exactly the type of book you can blow through without consequence. It's heavy stuff. Good, but weighty.

In an attempt to relax before my big entrance exams this week, I took up an old hobby.

Until this week, I haven't had free access to the school gym. All summer I've had my eye on the indoor lap pool, though! This week, that dream was realized.

The SMU gym: where dreams come true.
(You think I'm kidding, but it resembles a WDW Resort.)

I'm not a great swimmer. During my sprint triathlon, it was my weakest event. But as a stress-reliever? It's perfect. I miss being able to jump in my parents' pool with Brooklyn after a neighborhood run!

Swimming is also a great way to relax arms and shoulders after long hours of practice. This week I made it to the pool three times. I am shooting for once a week during the semester. Nothing like a dip in the pool as a reward for a week of hard work.

I couldn't bring myself to photograph the whole get-up. It's quite nerdy-looking (in case you couldn't tell).

And yes, that's a fish on my head. Relic of my triathlon days.

Just because the gym opened doesn't mean I gave up my old favorites! Quite the contrary! After a long day of work and studying, Ty and I love to head to the lake trail! I also couldn't wait to get on my bike because (drum roll, please!)........my bike shorts arrived in the mail!

In all honesty, they are actually triathlon shorts. All that means is that there is a bit less padding, making them suitable for swimming! Oh yes, I had the foresight to figure that one out. I didn't have the foresight to realize how often I'd need to do laundry.

They are also suitable for running in the rain, when it's too slippery to ride.

I also took Brooklyn for a run on campus this week. During my undergraduate degrees, I never left my tiny corner of campus and remained ignorant of the whereabout of most everything. This time, I am determined to be more aware and informed. Of course, it helps that I've downsized from the second-largest university in the country.

The loop around the outside of campus was right around 1.3 miles. What I didn't realize until we arrived is that is was undergraduate move-in day. Lots of distractions, and lots of training opportunities with my girl! And lots of fun people-watching opportunities, too!

Getting out and burning some energy always helps take the edge off...for both of us.

Study, study, study!

And pose!

I am happy to say that I passed both the Music Theory and Music History entrance exams! How thankful I am for the Lord's provision and strength. Now it's on to orientations and meetings through the weekend. And on Monday, it all begins for real. I still can't believe this is happening!

Brooklyn Goes to School!

Hi, folks! We are still operating without internet (long story, but proof it can be done!), and I am recovering from a week-long migraine. Needless to say, my week was not so “good” (read: productive). I have, however, managed to read the first five Harry Potter books in just over a week. While I love trying out local cafes, I am growing weary of spending just to check my email.

On Saturday, I loaded my books, laptop, two liters of water, a packed lunch, and my dog into the wagon. We took off for school. There’s a lovely atrium and patio area outside the Meadows building. Did I mention it was triple-digit-degrees? Thankfully, the umbrellas and tree branches kept us shaded. The heat really is tolerable here, as long as you aren’t in direct sunlight. It’s such a different kind of heat than that in Florida. The evenings and mornings are light and breezy, but the sun definitely feels closer to the earth. Everything is bigger in Texas, right?

Enjoy a few photos of Brooklyn’s school adventure. While I know she can’t actually attend classes with me, it was a fun merging of worlds…if only for an afternoon. A few of my favorite things!

Stay tuned...I have a surprise coming on the blog tomorrow! You don't want to miss this!

Direction

I took these two photos just about a year ago. I snapped only two and did so quickly - thus the blur - so as not to appear too interested. Because, really, there was no way I could let myself dream that big.

Even the professor I played for told me I wasn't at the level of the school.

Deep down I had to admit that I had fallen in love with this school since I first stepped foot onto its grounds. Everything about it was warm and inviting. But still out of my league.

Even so, I decided to audition, knowing that any doors that opened would only do so because the LORD had ordained it. I did my part with the hard work and all, but so many things were out of my control. I was blessed with an incredible teacher who helped me through this entire process.

I heard in early February that I passed my audition.

I was thrilled, somewhat surprised, and entirely anxious!

Then began the long wait.

Two months of wondering why God would open doors just to seemingly provide no direction.(Impatient much?) The national commit date for graduate music programs is today, April 15. One week ago today, I still had no idea if and where I'd be going to school. I had been accepted to two other schools, but Tyler and I had decided not to move on account of either of those options.

Still, I had this nagging feeling, this prompting, this small voice that said, "I haven't closed the door." I believed God would open the door, but in all honesty, I was confused. I wanted to have faith that God could do more than we ask or think. But was that "faith" just my own selfish desire?

There were a lot of quiet battles that took place in those two months of waiting. Lots of prayers, encouragement, lots of hard days. Just when it appeared the door was not going to open (and when I had stopped checking my email every two minutes), I received an extremely generous scholarship offer from Southern Methodist University.

Yesterday, I signed my offer and committed to attend this coming fall.

I will be pursuing a Master of Music in Piano Performance and Pedagogy at the Meadows School of the Arts. (Read about it here!) And yes, I will be studying with that same professor I played for last year.

I am thrilled, somewhat surprised, and entirely anxious!

:)

Seriously, though, it is a mixed bag of emotions! Tyler and I are going to step out in faith and believe that the LORD will be our Jehovah Jireh through this process. We are going to miss everything about our home. It will be hard, but it will be good. There are so many implications to this decision, and we are just beginning to sort through them.

If anything has been evident through this process it is that it has been entirely God's doing.

I am stunned by God's Goodness to us. He treats us far better than we deserve.

He has shown the way, now we have only to walk in obedience.