I found this post in my drafts folder, and I'm not sure I ever published it.
The original date is August 2010. Wonder of wonders, I find myself in very much the same place fifteen months later in my journey of art and faith. No, it's an intensified place.
This morning I am playing in a master class for a well-known pianist and pedagogue. I am very excited, but I am not as prepared as I would like to be. And that is just going to have to be okay. (I cringe even as I type this!) I am working as hard as I possibly can right now without losing my sanity. Despite the imperfections, I want to give all of my creativity and feeling.
Stumbling upon this old post was timely for me.
"Do we understand the freedom we have under the Lordship of Christ and the norms of Scripture? Is the creative part of our life commited to Christ? Christ is the Lord of our whole life, and the Christian life should produce not only truth - flaming truth - but also beauty." --Francis Schaeffer
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August 2010
I had my first piano lesson yesterday, too, and it went better than I'd expected. (Have I said how much I love our new music building? Boukie's office has a window! I'm convinced my artistry will deepen purely because of the effects of natural lighting.) I'm working on Bach's second Partita.
Here's a clip of the sixth "movement," which I'm far from even starting at this point. Enjoy listening to and watching one of the most renowned pianists of our time! She is brilliant. I am so inspired! If you're curious as to what I'm spending so much time on right now, you can listen to
another one of Martha's recordings from a much earlier date. I love putting good music at your fingertips. I'm such a teacher.
Oh, but such a learner! Yesterday after my lesson, I came to the conclusion that I could look at a single page of Bach every day for the rest of my life and still find something new each day.
Boukie was pleased with the work I'd done, but told me I needed to be "more imaginative." In his exact words, "You are way too anal. Your life is too black and white. Music doesn't fit neatly in either category." While I know that he is in part referring to the fact that I'm "religious" and "moral," he really got me thinking beyond Bach and piano.
Because I believe that the Gospel affects every aspect of my life, I have to take into consideration what it means for my musicianship to exist within this realm.
Shouldn't my musicianship be a reflection of my Relationship with the Good and Holy God? I read this morning from
Deuteronomy 6, where God tells the people through Moses just how present His Law is to be in their midst. It was meant to be totally integrated in their way of life - in their existence. That was a big "woah" moment this morning.
As much as I'd like to deny what Mr. B said about me, I know it to often be stingingly true. I'm a perfectionist, a high achiever, a spiritual moralist.
How is it that my piano teacher knows so much about me? The answer must be that
my personal life is reflected not only in the way I talk and act, but also in the sounds I create.
If you're following my train of thought, this led me to ask myself this question: Am I "anal" (to use Boukie's description) in my approach to spirituality? Do I worry so much about particulars and rights and wrongs - important things, don't get me wrong - and miss out on singing the sweet song of my Savior?
I am a perfectionist, a high achiever, a spiritual moralist.
The answer is an overwhelming
yes.
Just as a piece of music is compromised when the heart is not fully engaged, I compromise deep soul nourishment when I neglect to spend time in the presence of God. I have experienced the pure melody of soul satisfaction, and still I do. I should just
be.
