To Vie Without Vanity

How does one set goals and make plans while holding dreams with an open palm?

How does one move ahead in faith when the outcome is unclear?

How does one balance personal ambitions and relationships?


All these questions - and more - are constantly racing through my mind.
I am beginning the application process for graduate school.
So many applications and hours of practice and letters and to-dos and performances and auditions have to happen before we have a clue as to our next step. I am hesitant to even say this, because of the lingering question - the most haunting of all - "What if I fail?"

What if I don't get into the schools I desire?

What happens if my goals are blocked?

Do I see my life as purposeful and valuable without the achievement of my musical goals? (Well, that's a loaded question!)


Over a recent dinner with friends, there arose a discussion about a movie in which a performing artist goes to extreme measures in the pursuit of perfection. Ultimately, this cost the artist everything - relationships, career, sanity, and life itself. One of my friends shared his main takeaway, and it really struck me. I haven't stopped thinking about his words.

It was all for nothing.
There was no reason to go to such lengths.
Everything seemed like such a big deal in that tiny world.
There was a complete loss of perspective.
Pointless.

And the wisdom of Solomon keeps returning to me.

"I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind." (Ecclesiastes 1:14)

"Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I have expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 2:10-12)

"For all his days are full of sorrow, and his work is a vexation. Even in the night his heart does not rest. This also is vanity." (Ecclesiastes 2:22-24)

"Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man's envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind." (Ecclesiastes 4:3-5)

Does this mean that there is no value in the work of my hands?
Absolutely not! The LORD created man in His own image. God is a creator, and he gave us work and creative abilities. We have the tremendous privilege of showing, on a small scale through our work, the greatness of our Creator. This is no small responsibility. Oh, but how quickly our creations begin to appear far too attractive. We lose perspective. This is when all is vanity.

I am truly sobered. Almost without notice, my hands can go from serving the Creator to creating idols. On a dime, I can turn and bow down to my own carven images instead of offering my life as a living sacrifice. (Romans 12:1) Quickly my good intentions and desires become ultimate, and therefore vain.

When these things happen, I have no rest at night.
My family suffers.
I have no peace.
I have been there. (Maybe even ten or fifteen times this evening!)

LORD, guard my heart! You have a good and perfect plan for my life. Help me to sincerely pray, "Thy will be done." Grant me balance as I work hard, but not to obsessive lengths. Teach me what it means to be a "small c" creator. Give me a heart for people and things outside my own small sphere. Cause my heart to be obedient and my hands to follow.

Amen.