How to Ruin Your Half Marathon in Five Easy Steps (Plus, Non-Examples!)

How to Ruin Your Race in Five Easy Steps:

1. Get Sick, Stay Sick
Now, I thought I did a fairly good job at this last time by waking up with food poisoning early race morning. Turns out staying sick for weeks prior is an even better method for weakening your body. You know you're on the right path when ten days of antibiotics do nothing for you.

2. Take Your Antibiotics on an Empty Stomach
Truly, I thought the banana in my belly was going to ward off all nausea, but it turns out the antibiotic was stronger. Flushing antibiotics down the toilet is another great way to accomplish No. 1.

3. Don't Run at All
Truthfully, I've logged a whopping six miles this week. You know, you know, had to exercise the dog. I'll do better at this next time. Cold turkey would have been a better way to go.

4. "Gluten" Yourself (Did you know gluten can be a verb?)
Typically I'm very good at reading labels and checking what it is I'm actually ingesting. Good thing my sweet tooth and lack of attention to detail won out - twice in the last week! Welcome headaches and upset stomach. (In case you're wondering, sour straws and caramel both contain gluten. You can find them at your local grocery stores.)

5. Discover You're Slightly Anemic
Definitely a good idea to have blood work done when your immune system is down and you're feeling under the weather. The results will likely return with some good reasons to ruin your race.

As a bonus...

A few non-examples.

Following these tips will definitely NOT ruin your race. They are not advisable for those wishing to do so.

1. Chug the greens
Warning: packed with iron, these green smoothies may just be enough to get your energy levels up.

2. Take your vitamins

If you're body is vitamin-deficient and your immune system is low, these would definitely be a step in the wrong direction. 

 3. LAUGH!
You know what they say about laughter being the best medicine. It's true! Be sure to stay away from your funny husband and goofy Weimaraner. They're enough to put me in stitches!

(Did I mention this was at our breakfast table, prior to 6AM?)

4. Go to Work with a Good Attitude

Doing what you love regardless of the fact that you're under the weather may be one of the most dangerous ways to keep from ruining your race. Staying in bed and throwing a self pity-party is definitely the first choice for athletes wanting to ruin their races. It's especially dangerous when you work with great kids...and extra cute ones like this sweetheart!

(Again, the Weimaraner causes so much laughter!)

5. Enjoy Good Times with Friends

Right up there with No. 4, this is a game-changer. Isolation and discouragement are much faster routes to ruining your race. Enjoying life and fellowship with friends is definitely bound to bring down stress levels. It is not a recommended activity if you wish to ruin your race. 

With that said, friends, happy race week and happy Friday!