Pinch Me!

Surely I was dreaming when I walked out my front door early this morning and felt a chill in the air!
I must have imagined sitting outside in long pants and long sleeves and being cool.
There's no way I could have driven home without AC, windows down, loving the wind on my face.

But it was all real! It was 60(ish) degrees when I set out for school this morning! I even carried a blanket into school and kept it on my lap while I practiced. My hands were icy!

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but who cares? Fall has arrived! :D :D :D

Oh-So-Blessed!

I am extraordinarily blessed by the friends God has placed in my life.

This week that was especially evident.

Tabitha and I were talking this summer about how hard it is to be strong in the everyday. It seemed we didn't really have a lot of like-minded friends at school. God has been so good to supply more than we'd asked. Now we get to join a few others for a theory break at Chick-fil-A twice a week! It's so refreshing!

Last night brought with it two wonderful times! The first was an impromptu visit with Ben and Angela (who were fishing at my lake! :). I was on my way out of the neighborhood, so I couldn't stay long, but it was so nice to see them! The second great time was with an old friend. We haven't really hung out much over the last couple years, but these last six months our paths have crossed more. I love how God brings friends into your life at just the right time. :) We had a fantastic time just chatting and watching How to Marry a Millionaire (with Marilyn Monroe - so funny!).

Today at church was no exception as far as friendly faces and encouraging times go. I love getting to see everyone and engage in real conversation. Sunday morning is usually the only time I get to see many of my church friends, so I cherish the moments! 

After church today, a newly married couple came over for lunch. They are so incredible, and I love getting to talk with them. They both have some great thoughts on art and music and how they relate to a Gospel-centered theology - things which I've been thinking a lot about of late.

Well, I'm off to a school concert with my mommy. I pray your Lord's day has been restful and encouraging!

God is good!

You're Invited...

...to the Jessie pity party! Wahoo! Won't this be fun?

Today in class, Mrs. Theory noticed we were a bit stressed. We informed her that some of us have a scary music history exam tomorrow.
"You don't like music history?" She asked.

A classmate quickly retorted, "Oh, we like music history just fine. We just don't like the class."
I would add that I don't mind the class, just the insane amount of difficult work and the crazy exams!
Oh, and I don't really like being told I'm going to fail. That's probably the clincher.

I've listened to some astonishingly gorgeous pieces, learned some fascinating things about musical form and the progression of art music through the Catholic Church and into the secular realm, etc, etc., but I'm terrified about tomorrow! (Isn't that a backward form of teaching/learning?)

Why do specifics matter when I understand the overall concepts?
Like, "Describe the progression of polyphony from it's earliest appearance through the late 14th century, using specific treatises, composers, pieces, styles, and textures." In an in-class essay. (Those are my words, but they're pretty close to Mrs. Music History's.)

Yikes! I've written 4 essays, and now I'm working on memorizing their main points.
Tomorrow's exam also includes score analysis. This is early music history, people! Bach won't even be born for hundreds of years!

Speaking of Bach, I didn't get to practice my fugue today because of tomorrow's exam. :-(
(All together now: Awwww)

Thanks for participating! Depending on tomorrow's results, we may have another party soon!

Happy Dance!

According to a classmate of mine, I have different dances for my varying moods.
Well, I'm doing the happy dance right now.

I just bought a ticket to Nashville!
December can't come soon enough! :D
(Actually, Thanksgiving would be fine, since Ty will be traveling here for the holiday!)

Pray for nice people with whom I can stay? I've a couple options, so here's to hoping one of them works out!

I miss you, Ty! Looking forward to the holidays! :)

Kelly Adventures

With such a crazy school schedule, it's rare that I get to see anybody outside of school or do anything besides school. Last week brought two nice adventures with Kelly!

The first was an impromptu ear piercing trip! Kelly called me last Tuesday afternoon. I was all in. Tuesday evening I took a break from my studies and went out with the W ladies. It was an exciting time!

Thanks to Glenna and Mrs. W for their picture-taking.

Glenna has since cut her hair. When she and I looked at these pictures, we were both like, "Woah!" Her haircut is darling and makes her look years older!

I was nervous for Kelly. Actually, I was stoked. I love ear piercing adventures! At this point in time, I think I've hit the limit on my own ears. :(

Take one!

Unfortunately, the lady didn't pierce it in exactly the right spot, so she had to do a re-do. Here's her mom, checking it all out like moms do. :)

Very artistic, Glenna! Teach me how to use my own camera? :)

Such Kelly expressions!

Totally!

Lovely close-up. Note the third earring.

While we were at it, we hit up some stores, too.

Apparently Mrs. has attitude glasses.

And we have the attitudes!

(I've never really thought they look much alike until I saw this picture.)

We are sporting those niceeely.

Friday night we met up again and went to a high school football game (mostly to see the band I'm shadowing. ;)

Ugh, humidity!

Yummy Skittles. Wait...what are...?

QBZ??? ;) Ha ha!

Turns out I actually knew someone in the drum line - for the opposing team! Here is his band performing. I was definitely digging the double-mallet technique on the marimba!

Here's the band I'm shadowing. It's HUGE!

Pretty cool uniforms.

Oh, and this is the walkway of death. You know the book by Stan and Jan Berenstain, The Spooky Old Tree? There's a repeated, rhetorical question: do they dare? Do they dare go down the walkway of death? Yes, they dare.

I hate to end on such a melancholy note, but somehow this picture got shoved to the end! It is pretty cool, though.

Anyway, back to my adventures with Kelly. Our next ones will most likely involve talking about what we're going to wear to the Thrice show, going shopping for the Thrice show, being indecisive about what we're going to wear to the Thrice show, over-thinking what we're going to wear to the Thrice show, etc, etc. Ha ha! We're really not as shallow as we sound. Sometimes you've just gotta have a good time! :-) I'm already threatening to accent my apparel with boas and a Hello Kitty nose stud!

I. Just. Bought.

My ticket to the upcoming Thrice show!
:D :D :D

I've only been talking about it for months now. To top it all off, there's a special on Ticket Master - no extra charges! Did you hear that, Kelly? Go buy your ticket now!

Today has been an extra-special Tuesday thus far. I decided to head to school early, so Jessica and I got to ride together again! It makes all the difference in the world! Since I left early, my mom didn't get to make me a lunch. (Did I mention she makes me a lunch every day? She's the greatest!) There's this Tuesday/Thursday between theory classes tradition that involves a few freshman/sophomore pianists and Tabitha (honorary pianist ;) hitting up the Chick-fil-A on campus. Today I bought food for the first time, and it was the best chicken biscuit ever! I love saving money, but today it was nice to eat biscuits with my friends. :)

On the way home I stopped by Jeremiah's to see if they were serving pumpkin ice yet, but they weren't. =/  (Angela, I've been craving things for you!) They said to check back closer to Halloween. (Hear that, Angela? We've got a date in October!)

Now it's back to practice. I've a monster of a fugue to finish before tomorrow. Then it's on to writing music history essays. I've a monster of an exam on Friday.

Anything to Keep from Practicing!

So this is the way it goes.
I'm very, very diligent all week long. When Friday arrives, I just can't get motivated! It's weird, because I'm usually very good about practicing Saturday and Sunday. There's just something about Friday. I guess it's the nature of the beast.

This morning my alarm went off at 5. Instead of practicing the first hour, I worked on a paper for my chant project. That was a good thing, though. It's nearing completion!

I've practiced two hours, but they're the sort of hours that include too many "relaxation breaks," too much fidgeting on the bench, too much glancing out the window, too many text messages, and too much all-around restlessness! Ah!

I took a break and practiced my clarinet. I can play a G Major scale now! (Ascending is still a little bit rough, but it's coming along for my playing quiz Monday.) But after 10 minutes, my mouth started to really ache and I realized I didn't sound all that grand and musical. Back to the piano.

Finding my mind wander to statistics homework - math - was the clincher.
If I'm thinking of math while playing Chopin, nothing lovely is going to sound! End of story.

So here I am, at an altogether different keyboard.

Okay, now I'm really going to prepare for my statistics exam. Maybe I should practice more for my clarinet quiz, too. Or memorize hundreds of years of music history for my exam, practice with my duet partner for next week, finish (start?) my theory homework, print out a final copy of my chant paper, and find my metronome.

But no. After studying statistics, I'm going to a high school football game! Lest you think I'm slacking off, I'm shadowing the band. :)

But first...
I have to share something that made me laugh so hard! (Tali, hope you don't mind! :-P)
This is a snippet from an email Tali sent me:

"Boston Market is officially disgusting.  I took Mrs [K] there, and watched in disgust as grease literally dripped from the food as they served it up to her.  To make matters worse, there were twelve whole chickens rotating in this plastic box, and one chicken's wing kept moving.  I watched in horrified fascination as it circled above the open fire and then flapped.  I don't think I'll be able to eat chicken for a long, long time."

Ha ha! Okay, seriously, now how am I to focus? ;)

Happy weekend, everyone!

Sin as Dark as Chocolate

You know when you know you're not supposed to do something, but you do it anyway? The kind of thing you do it because it feels good at the time, even though you know a consequence will ensue.

I've been like that with chocolate lately. Now, there's nothing morally corrupt about chocolate, but it is death to me. It is a main contributor to my migraine headaches. I know this, and yet I still choose to eat it!

Yesterday I had two chocolate muffins. I justified it by asking how much chocolate was really in the recipe. I cut one in half. Eventually I went back for the second half. After school I went for an entire second one without hesitation.

Today I bought chocolate milk at school. It wasn't even sitting on the table in front of me. It was inside a fridge, and I actively got up out of my seat, walked to the fridge, looked at the price tag, pulled one out of the fridge, walked over to the register, and paid good money for it. It was out of my way, and still I pursued it.

Later today I was craving something yummy. My eyes went to the dark chocolate Japanese snack in the cupboard. I've resisted it for months, but today I slipped. After all, I'd already goofed.

Lest you think this is turning into a diet confessional blog, let me say how this got me thinking along deeper lines than chocolate and migraine headaches.
Isn't this just like sin? We start out by thinking about it, take a baby step toward it, and gradually slide down the slippery slope until we've fallen headfirst into a bog!
And isn't it true how easy it becomes to continue on once that first step is taken? This afternoon when I went for the dark chocolate snack I told myself I was probably going to have a headache anyway from my previous slip-ups, so to enjoy the chocolate while I remained headache-free.

Or, if you're like me, you cut in half, edge toward it, justify it - surely now it's not nearly as bad! - so you feel better about yourself. What's worse is the hypocrisy that follows! When offered chocolate, I modestly decline saying, "Oh, I can't eat chocolate." I take the sympathy and still sneak it when I feel like it.

Surely I'm not the only one who understands this struggle? (And I'm not just talking about chocolate! Hopefully you followed that.)
Why do we choose to go after evil when we know truth?


"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." - Romans 7:21-25

I'm so thankful that Paul understood this struggle - one of being positionally sanctified but not yet glorified. We have been given new records and new hearts, but not yet a new world where sin will be no more. Thanks be to God that we are no longer enslaved to sin! (Go read Ephesians 2. It's pretty much the best thing ever!) Paul also says in the book of Romans that we have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. I'd say that's a pretty sweet exchange.

I also love how James covers this struggle with temptation!



"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures."

So it is the lingering flesh that entices us to do ill. But I love how James doesn't leave us there. (That would certainly be depressing!) He warns us not to be deceived and immediately goes on to remind us that every good gift comes from God! I love that! He totally changes the focus! Still, he doesn't end there. He also reminds us of our position through Christ. We are God's own. He brought us forth by His own will! We are worthy - because of Christ - despite our wrongdoings, not only in the past, but also in real, present struggles! And by His strength, we can resist temptation.

I'm probably going to have a headache tomorrow. Yes, there are still consequences. But I hope that I may choose not to wallow in it, but move forward by grace. I'm thankful that grace is vast enough to cover my wrongdoings and my headaches. :)

Kids Say/Think/Do the Darndest Things!

Sophie, Logan, Austin, and I sat around the dinner table, eating pizza and red grapes.  The sun was sinking low in the sky, its rays growing dimmer with each bite.

Out of habit, I'd turned off all the excess lights before sitting down to eat with the kids. With the sun quickly setting, a small chandelier above the table was the sole illuminator in the room. Because very few things escape a three-year-old's attention, Logan quickly spoke up.
"Why is it so dark in here?"
In reality, it wasn't all that dark. But with the fluorescent sky switched off, the whole mood had definitely changed.

My dad would be proud of my reply.
"Well, Logan, it costs money to have lots of lights on."

Sophie's jaw dropped, her pizza somehow managing to stay inside.
"It does?!"
She was in disbelief.
I wasn't all that surprised. It was evident that the kids had no clue of this fact of life. Nearly every light in the house was on when I'd arrived. Bedrooms that clearly were not in use were well-lit for all the crawling creatures.

"Yes, it costs money to use the oven, to run the fans, to use lights - anything that runs on electricity. And it costs money to run water, too."

"It does?!"
"Yes, that's why it's so important not to let the water run or leave lights on in other rooms."

This response was not accepted. It only opened the floodgate of questions.

"Do kids have to pay to plug things in?"
"Who do our parents pay?"
"How often do we have to send them money?"

One of my favorites:
"Do we have to pay to eat our food? Like for each bite?"Asked Sophie as she scrutinized her pizza crust, trying to decide it if was worth the cost.

The conversation continued, and many more questions were asked.
("No, you don't have to pay to use your toys with batteries.")

Sophie decided she'd be extra careful about using electricity. In fact, she wasn't going to use any lights! Not only was she not going to use them, but she didn't even want them installed in her house. When the sun set, she'd just go to bed. Who needs lights?

I reassured them all that it was indeed okay to use lights and fans and ovens and such when we need them but that, at the same time, we should remember to turn off lights and fans when leaving a room. While I was speaking, I caught Logan trying to slip out of his seat.
This began a new lesson of not leaving the table without being excused.

"But, Miss Jessie, I'm trying to turn the fan off!"

A Little Girl

I just called a local high school to see if I could shadow the band program there.
Online I found a direct line to the band room, so that's the number I called. A high school boy (I'm assuming) answered. When I informed him who I was, the school I'm from, why I was calling, etc, etc., he handed the phone over to someone in charge.

I overhead what he said to his teacher.
"Some girl is calling to see if she can shadow our band. She's from [insert the name of my school]." A short pause was followed by a confused intonation and these words: "She sounds like a little girl..."

When the teacher's voice came on the line, I tried my very best to sound professional and, well, my age!
I guess it worked well enough, because I'm all set to shadow the band program. (Either that or I'm a convincing little girl.)

So I'm thinking I don't want to teach high school band. Younger grades are definitely more appealing at this point, simply because there's a more obvious age difference.

But as long as I keep my mouth shut and dress my age, the student shouldn't remember me come next Thursday, right?

Days Like Today

Today was a good day. In fact, it was a great day - except for some scary phone charges I found out about! Yikes! Anyway, on to lighter subject matter.

Wednesdays are my longest days.
Enter into a typical Wednesday with Jessie.
5am: Wake up. Shower. Get ready for school. Grab breakfast.
5:30: Practice
7:00: Leave for school
8:00: Piano lesson
9:30-1:30: Class
1:30: Drive home
2:30: Practice
3-4:30: Teach piano
4:30-9:30: Practice, study, dinner, free time (ha!), etc.
9:30: Bed time!

I actually do a pretty good job keeping to this. I'm asleep by 10 almost every night.
So why was this a good day?
Many reasons, I suppose. Shall I list them?
If you insist.

1. I had a very good piano lesson! It's no fun to play while sick, like I did last week.
2. I'm loving woodwind class, and my clarinet skills are improving. (I played Jingle Bells today and a round of Row, Row, Row Your Boat! Ha!)
3. I'm beginning to understand all this chant stuff for music history. I even kinda like to listen to the chants. They're so ominously beautiful.
4. I volunteered and played my Bach Prelude in studio class today! It was uncomfortable and I didn't feel completely ready, but I went for it. So glad I did! Such a good learning experience.
5. Tali and I are on the same phone plan, and I'm oh-so-thankful for that! It was nice to talk to her to pass the time while driving home. Did I mention for free?
6. My students crack me up! They're all so great! Today's line-up was Caroline W, Emma, & Sophie (not little Sophie). Caroline and Emma are pretty much a little Tali and me. They're always together. They have back-to-back lessons and came together today. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I told them they could play a duet. They were SO EXCITED! I have a great job.
7. Sophie is so eager to learn. I love that. She's not content to just sit on a bench and listen to me talk. She has to peer into the piano and crawl under - "It's brown underneath!" - and explore like a tactile learner must. She's always forcing me to adapt my teaching style. It's good for me. I like it.
8. Tonight one of my classmates is giving her junior recital at school. She's worked so hard and deserves a good turn-out. I'm going to be there to support her!
9. Right after finding out about said scary charges, I was asked to baby sit for a good chunk of time. God always provides. :)
10. Finally, I have NO theory homework! Everyone say, "Yippee!" Mrs. Theory Professor finally realized that it was too much to assign a lot of homework Tuesday and expect it to be completed by Thursday morning. Now she only assigns work on Thursdays. :D :D :D

It's days like today that remind me why I'm in school, that I love to play, that I love to teach, that I love music, and that I love life! Good things to remember, huh? :)

Patient's Prose

So I'm afraid I've come down with something icky.
Before you all panic, rest assured that I do not have the swine flu. :)

Rather, I've caught some virus. My new piano duet partner recently found out she has bronchitis compounded by a second cold. Whatever I have is probably some form of that. After all, we've been sitting fairly close on a bench for the last week and a half.

I'm so thankful this day is coming to a close. Unfortunately, it was my longest day. After sleeping quite restlessly, I decided I'd try to contact my piano professor and see if I could schedule a make-up lesson later this week. Well, his phone was on silent, so I had no other choice than to drive out to school. I opened his office door at 8 am, proclaiming that I was feeling under the weather. Since he was entirely unavailable later this week, we both decided I'd might as well stay.

After my lesson I embarked on the journey of four consequent classes. My concluding class happened to be just about as far away from my car as is possible on campus. Because I was feeling quite lousy at this point (and because my mom was unable to get an appointment with my primary care doctor - after all, if I'd caught bronchitis, I'd be in need of an antibiotic), I decided to venture over to the campus health clinic. It was my first doctor visit all by myself. I've concluded I'd much rather have my Mommy by my side!
I waited a very long time. Finally I went back up to the desk to discover that I'd been forgotten. =/
By now, the idea of lugging my heavy backpack (of all days not to put books in my locker!) back to my car was just overwhelming! Did I mention I'd only had a single Pop Tart all day? I suppose that's my fault, but all the coughing had taken away my appetite. My loving mommy drove all the way out to school just to pick me up and drive me to my car! Isn't she wonderful? I think she may have driven into some loading area. Either that or the ambulance drive.

She also bought me some delicious soup from Panera, but I'm afraid nothing really sounds good. She and I have since been watching movies. We finished Jane Eyre, watched all of Mansfield Park (thank you, Christina W!) and now we're watching Pirates. It's been forever since I've seen it! I'd forgotten how good it really is. Johnny Depp is brilliant!

All my miserable driving today really got me thinking. It's partly because I was listening to the philosophical "Come Now Sleep" by As Cities. And also because I was stopped at train tracks behind a car who's bumper read of Gandhi's words: "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ."

God's sovereignty hasn't been far from my mind today. In fact, I've been quite annoyed with it. After all, wasn't I just sick one month ago? Aren't I under enough stress with school? And - really - couldn't He have picked a week other this this one, seeing as Tyler is coming down this weekend?

The two sides of me have been arguing all day. Yesterday, too, really. I found myself excessively complaining about a certain class, acting as though it's the end of the world. Today I've been enjoying my own pity party. In all honesty, I've been falsely acting as if God owes me something. That is the root issue behind my "justified claims." Haven't I been a good girl? Why would He inflict this sickness upon me and take away the joy I've been looking forward to this weekend? Why would He be so cruel?
Though I've heard of the Goodness of God all my years, I'm afraid the concept still hasn't truly sunk in. Intellectually, I believe. Often times the heart is slow to parallel. Instead of viewing God as a Father who delights in His daughter, I've reverted back to the visual image of a frowning King waiting to smite sinners.

I'm encouraged because Naomi struggled with these same issues. Her concerns were far greater than mine, but the root issue is the same. She felt as though God's hand was heavy against her and even instructed her friends and neighbors - her covenant community - to refer to her as Mara, meaning bitter.

The As Cities Burn CD journeys through these same ideas. It was written after a good friend of theirs committed suicide. Where was God?
In my analysis, they ultimately come to the conclusion that God is bigger than the situation and that though "our world is grey," God never lets go.

Of course I know my predicament is far less severe than As Cities' or Naomi's, and that helps put my small affliction into perspective.
I'm sorry if my train of thought is difficult to follow. My faculties probably aren't operating at their height today (though, strangely, my professor said my Bach Prelude was significantly more musical in spite of my sickness). This is the dissection of my own brain - a scary feat! I'm trying to bring this together, but it's still formulating inside. Follow if you dare! :)

Back to the bumper sticker. How sad it made me to read Gandhi's words over and over while waiting for a very long freight train to pass. What sort of wound had this driver experienced that led him to despise Christians so much? Why is it we so often fail to reflect Christ? As I've discovered time and time again, I can't be good enough. I can't be a better example or a worthier follower of my own will. I can't just decide to be better! Goodness! Can't I learn this lesson once and for all?! As Cities also points out that "I'm in the wrong body." Yes, I've been redeemed, but not yet perfected. That can be a frustrating thing for a perfectionist!

So what is it that makes me so quick to rely on my own merits? As I've been re-reading Phillip Yancey's What's So Amazing About Grace?, I think I'd have to say my hesitations to accept grace.

I've included some of his words that particularly struck me.

"The gospel is not at all what we would come up with on our own. I, for one, would expect to honor the virtuous over the profligate. I would expect to have to clean up my act before even applying for an audience with a Holy God. But Jesus told of God ignoring a fancy religious teacher and turning instead to an ordinary sinner who pleads, 'God, have mercy.' ...grace does not depend on what we have done for God but rather what God has done for us." - pages 54-55

"Jesus' story makes no economic sense, and that was his intent...Grace is not about finishing last or first; it is about not counting. We receive grace as a gift from God, not as something we toil to earn...." -page 61

"Why, then, do I so often act as if I am trying to earn that love? Why do I have such trouble accepting it? ...Weighed down by repeated failures, lost hope, a sense of unworthiness, we pull around ourselves a shell that makes us almost impervious to grace. Like foster children who choose again and again to return to abusive families, we turn stubbornly away from grace." - pages 67-68

My movie has since been turned off (I'd sort of neglected it for this pursuit). Now that I've taken time to think, to write, to process, I feel better - both physically and emotionally.

Perhaps this small trial is an act of Grace. Perhaps it's God's loving Hand once again directing me to Calvary, where the debt was paid once and for all. Perhaps I needed reminding that Grace is mine - free of charge.

Just perhaps. But I have a hunch.